'Whiteout' review

Kate Beckinsale (Credit: Warner Bros.)

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U.S. Marshal Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale) only has a couple days to get out of Antarctica before being stuck there for the winter. Plenty of time for a murder investigation, right?

The buzz: Bitter cold and a fast, vision-impairing snow could bring tension to this thriller, or just confusion about who is where. Director Dominic Sena’s ("Swordfish") movie, based on the graphic novel by Greg Rucka, has been on the shelf for a year, which doesn’t bode well.

The verdict: Stuffed between the year’s most gratuitous shower scene and the most ridiculous suicide since “Seven Pounds” is dialogue like, “If you’re hurt, try not to move” and performances that barely deserve to be called frozen (Gabriel Macht, Tom Skerritt and Columbus Short round out the cast). A search for potential nuclear material? Carrie’s traumatic flashbacks? Nope, the only thing to care about is what lotion Beckinsale uses to make her skin hold up so well in sub-zero temps.

Did you know? In case anyone thought the region was sunny and full of hotties, “Whiteout” goes out of its way to identify Antarctica as “the coldest, most isolated land mass on the planet.” There go your spring break plans!

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