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Legendary English martyr/homewrecker Anne Boleyn (Natalie Portman) sets her sights on King Henry VIII (Eric Bana) even though he's married to Queen Catherine and recently fathered a child with his mistress, Anne's sister Mary (Scarlett Johansson). It plays out as a "Real World"-level stage for backstabbing, infidelity and social climbing, mostly masterminded by the girls' sleazy uncle, the Duke of Norfolk (David Morrissey).

Big question: Can the presence of Portman and Johansson make this period piece--written by Peter Morgan ("The Queen") and adapted from the book by Philippa Gregory--accessible for those who don't watch the History Channel?

Skip it: Even very brief research turns up an ox cart of ye olde inaccuracies, and "The Other Boleyn Girl" darts through events like it's speed-reading a history book with little concept of who did what when and why. Those unconcerned with "facts" still won't warm to a movie so devoid of convincing feeling--with no legitimate love, there can be no noticeable absence of it. Everyone will, however, wonder why these girls continue to trust a king who constantly betrays them and wears such pimp-tastic fur.

Catch it: If you're looking to make an ailing sister feel worse. Anne sets the standard by asking a very pregnant Mary, "Do you feel as awful as you look"? Aww, no she di-in't!

Bottom line: It's a muddy-looking and sometimes unintentionally funny piece of schlock, in which Portman and Johansson save face but Bana proves he's worse than a Clive Owen stand-in. Meanwhile, a broader look at family bonds or this scandal's effect on England takes a backseat to more disturbing questions like "How many consecutively stupid decisions can one family make?" and "Would you sleep with your sister to save her life?" OK, don't everybody answer at once …

Bonus: You decide if Mary's evaluation of her first husband's sexual prowess as "very satisfactory" is a compliment or an insult. Even more discussion-worthy: While suggesting to Anne that she sleep with the king, the creepy uncle asks, "Will you accept the challenge?"

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What do you think of 'The Other Boleyn Girl'? Email me: mpais@tribune.com

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