'The Merry Gentleman' review

Michael Keaton (Credit: Matt Dinerstein/Samuel Goldwyn)

As if freezing Decembers in Chicago weren't already tough enough, Kate (Kelly Macdonald) runs from her abusive husband (Bobby Cannavale) and accidentally witnesses a failed suicide attempt by soft-spoken assassin Frank (Michael Keaton). Soon an awkward officer investigating a murder falls for Kate, who hits it off with Frank, and many strange conversations result about life and death, ghosts and angels, relationships and suicide, God and Christmas. All right then.

The buzz: Keaton certainly picked a downer for his directorial debut, which, ahem, probably isn't something many people were eagerly anticipating. Perhaps "Gentleman" is being released in May because its story transcends the holidays—or maybe just so it doesn't actually ruin anyone's Christmas.

The verdict: Keaton and writer Ron Lazzeretti pick tones like someone pulling out lotto numbers, as "Gentleman" constantly veers from creepy to festive to sad to twinkly to spiritual to bright to depressing. The director also phones it in performance-wise, turning Frank into the dullest and least convincing killer since Nicolas Cage in "Bangkok Dangerous." Macdonald's a peach and the only thing worth saving as this excruciating, pretentious and painfully earnest disaster slowly burns away into oblivion.

Did you know? A cop tells his overweight partner, "It's not uncommon to mistake boredom for hunger." Proof: "The Merry Gentleman" will make you very, very hungry.

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