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Suddenly people all over the Northeast stop moving for a moment and then kill themselves. Is this mind-altering behavior caused by bio-terrorism? Are plants emitting a toxin because they're angry with people? Or is it some other unexplainable force of nature? High-school science teacher Elliot (Mark Wahlberg) and his wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel) try to figure it out while they fight to survive.

Big question: Can writer-director M. Night Shyamalan, with his first R-rated movie, finally recover the sharp, chilling touch he lent to "The Sixth Sense," or will he deliver an even more pointless and pretentious movie than "Lady in the Water"?

Skip it: Now Shyamalan's even lost his normally stunning visual style, proving he's officially a professional tease who either no longer knows what audiences want or just doesn't care. "The Happening" is as suspenseful as walking through your backyard and as satisfying as reading just the first page of a script, with failed, watch-out-for-that-strong-breeze tension that's sillier than the killer vines in "The Ruins" and as funny as Dennis Quaid running away from the cold in "The Day After Tomorrow."

Catch it: If you'll just enjoy learning useful info, such as that trees can communicate with bushes and that hot dogs don't deserve their bad rap because they have protein and a "cool shape." Does anyone else find this odd, and not in a good way?

Bottom line: Social paranoia? Environmental dangers? Shyamalan never determines the point of this underdeveloped, unintentionally funny story, which boasts a flimsy tone and acting so wooden it could drive beavers wild. This would all seem like a deliberate, self-parodying joke if it weren't coming from a filmmaker with no sense of humor whatsoever.

Bonus: Elliot's friend Julian (John Leguizamo) remarks that people are comforted by percentages, like saying there's a 62 percent chance Julian won't die when he looks for his wife in Princeton, R. I. Or that there's a 31 percent chance Shyamalan might make another good movie if he'd just direct someone else's script.

Video: Watch the review of 'The Happening'

What do you think of 'The Happening'? Email me: mpais@tribune.com

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