Southland Tales

Dwayne Johnson and Seann William Scott in "Southland Tales" (Credit: Samuel Goldwyn)

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The U.S. suffers a nuclear attack in 2005, and by ’08 the states have divided, only California’s electoral votes count in presidential elections and World War III is in full swing. As presidential campaigns hit the home stretch, the movie-star husband (Dwayne Johnson) of a candidate’s daughter turns up with amnesia and in the arms of a porn star (Sarah Michelle Gellar), while a cop (Seann William Scott) tries to locate his twin, an army vet (Justin Timberlake) copes with injuries suffered from friendly fire, and members of both surveillance and resistance groups become embroiled in a massive conspiracy. Pretty conventional, right?

Big question: Does this nearly two-and-a-half-hour apocalyptic drama by Richard Kelly (“Donnie Darko”) deserve better than the awful response it received at last year’s Cannes Film Festival?

Skip it: A movie that makes you long for the linear coherence of David Lynch, “Southland Tales” is messier than a 2-year-old in a pool of pudding. Mixing together political satire, cultural commentary, sci-fi action, tongue-in-cheek violence and more with only the occasional glimmer of purpose, it’s recommended only for viewers who might try a milkshake of chicken, cheese, sushi and peanut butter just to see what it tastes like.

Catch it: If you agree with Krysta (Gellar) that, “Deep down inside everyone wishes they were a porn star.” Keep in mind this is a character who also releases a song called, “Teen Horniness is Not a Crime.”

Bottom line: Perhaps Rubik's cube experts will decipher some kind of meaning behind this ambitious movie's knotty, convoluted logic. Everyone else will see "Southland Tales" as the type of film that’s written only after a weeklong bender or a run-in with some bad clams.

Bonus: Be glad that we finally have a movie in which computer-animated cars have sex with each other, tanks are sponsored by Hustler and we learn that the soul of a monkey cannot survive the dimensional threshold. We suggest you don’t think about any of these things too hard.

mpais@tribune.com

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