Rambo

(Credit: Lionsgate)

Photos:

A squad of hopelessly naïve volunteers from Colorado convinces John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone), long-retired and capturing snakes in Thailand, to bring them down river into a genocidal war zone in Burma. When the do-gooders are taken hostage, Rambo must strap on his bow and arrow and save the day with a rescue team of mercenaries. (No familiar faces except Tim Kang, that guy in all those cell phone, McDonald's and Home Depot ads.)

Big questions: Can Stallone, who also wrote and directed, justify creating another brutal action flick like this? Or at least make it as not-terrible as “Rocky Balboa”?

Skip it: More violently and directly than “Live Free or Die Hard,” “Rambo” takes an absurd approach to real-life concerns, since Rambo’s attitude seems to be, “No one can help in this crisis except for me, and I won’t.” Besides, in the end he’s too busy popping the faceless locals full of bullets and spouting lines like, “Live for nothing or die for something,” to save any of the non-Americans from merciless rape and murder. Nice.

Catch it: To see that Rambo’s really quite a pushover for the fairer sex, as he only agrees to lead the group into Burma after Sarah (Julie Benz), the one woman around, asks him again. Pretty please, Rambo? With a cherry on top?

Bottom line: “Rambo” is proficiently made, deeply offensive and undeniably cruel, like a popular restaurant serving fresh-roasted puppy.

Bonus: A Burmese pirate commands the Americans, “Hear me. Believe me. Fear me.” You decide which presidential candidate could most convincingly adopt that campaign slogan.

mpais@tribune.com

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