'Disaster Movie' review

Amy Winehouse is among the spoof targets in "Disaster Movie" (Credit: Lionsgate)

Photos:

Less of a comedy than a checklist of pop culture talking points, “Disaster Movie” witlessly mentions nearly every summer movie (from “Iron Man” to “The Love Guru” to “Hancock”) while an idiot (Matt Lanter) races to save his ex, “Cloverfield”-style, from an asteroid storm. The movie stars an MTV VJ (Vanessa Minillo), a reality TV star (Kim Kardashian), a serial celebrity ex-wife (Carmen Electra) and a bunch of people who only slightly look like Justin Timberlake, Dr. Phil and Wolf from "American Gladiators."

Big question: Is the latest spoof from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (“Meet the Spartans,” “Epic Movie,” “Date Movie”) even slightly better than the garbage they’ve done before?

Skip it: From "Amy Winehouse" raving about drinking gasoline to "Hannah Montana" eerily coming back to life after being crushed, “Disaster Movie” is where cleverness comes to die. Like the bastard child of “Best Week Ever” and the mud that runs off of football players’ cleats after a rainy game, this isn’t a movie you see. It’s one you survive.

Catch it: If you’ve been waiting eagerly to see Juno’s baby’s foot emerge from the womb to kick Carrie Bradshaw in the face, just before Juno commands, “Suck on my placenta.” Chances are good this will endure as the hot catchphrase of 2008.

Bottom line: Words can’t really describe the disgusting, disturbing “Disaster Movie,” which simultaneously insults and lowers our nation’s intelligence. Put it this way: Is it funny? Not even once. Will you ever respect yourself again after seeing it? Someday, perhaps. Just in time for Friedberg and Seltzer to do it all over again.

Bonus: An “Enchanted” princess demonstrates that it’s not a wise decision to run in glass slippers. Or eat a beer bottle. Or star in a movie where you have to play a woman who runs in glass slippers and eats beer bottles.

Add a comment