Yeah, right.
For those who would sooner wish "bah humbug" to Santa and his cronies than be subjected to one more chorus line of animatronic reindeer, you're not alone. You have alternatives. Good ones, even.
Though this season tends to fuel numerous weak-sauce re-tellings of a 2,000-year-old story, the flip side of the chocolate gelt is that the holidays are good for a few laughs. And strip-teases. And David Bowie impersonations, apparently.
Holiday entertainment has become so tangential. Just what do St. Nick and, say, Ziggy Stardust, have in common, anyway? Our findings follow.
The Santaland Diaries
Based on David Sedaris' essay of the same name in which he details his experience working as a Christmas elf at Macy's, the play brings to life the humility—and humor—of the job via a one-elf-show, produced here by Theater Wit.
And so this is Christmas? "To me, well, yes. But only partially; I'm Jewish," says Jeremy Wechsler, Theater Wit's artistic director. "We've been doing the show now for five years, so there is definitely something Christmas-y in my head about taking out the elf suit and dry cleaning it each year. Most of the Christmas decorating I do for the year is for this show."
Does your art imitate your life? For Sedaris, definitely. Wechsler, too. "There's a picture of me [somewhere] crying on Santa's lap," he says, adding that Santa always made an appearance for Hanukkah during his youth, leaving presents by the family's Hanukkah cactus. "If you've read the play or read the essay, a lot of it is about the consumerist nightmare of Christmas," says Wechsler, "and that, I truly believe, is nondenominational."
Theatre Building Chicago, 1225 W. Belmont Ave., 773-327-5252; www.theaterwit.org. $24, Thu. at 7:30 p.m., Fri.-Sat. at 7:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m., Sun. at 3 p.m. and 7 p.m., through Jan. 3.
Meowy Christmas
Local animal trainer Samantha Martin coaxes her Amazing Acro-Cats to jump through wreaths, ride sleighs and do tons of other stuff most cats are too lazy to even fathom.
And so this is Christmas? "[Meowy Christmas] is just like a holiday version of their [regular] show," says Martin, referring to her feline entourage. "We have all the props decorated with a Christmas theme, and [the cats] all have little Christmas-colored hair scrunchies worn as collars. One of them rolls an ornament instead of a basketball; they jump through wreathes instead of hoops."
Does your art imitate your life ? "I grew up with animals and always involved them in Christmas," says Martin. "They always got Christmas presents, too. I live what I do. All the cats live here [at my home-office]; all the props are in my living room and in my kitchen, and I've been working with animals since I was ten."
Gorilla Tango Theatre, 1919 N. Milwaukee Ave., 773-598-4549; www.gorillatango.com. $10, Saturday and Sunday, 1 p.m. and 3 p.m.
For more in our roundup of holiday shows with a decidedly nontraditional premise, read on.
Sexy Santa's Spectacular! Spectacular!
Presented by Mo Roses and Vaudzilla, this is an old-fashioned burlesque show. Needless to say, leave the kids at home.
And so this is Christmas? "We're very much a tongue-in-cheek approach to holiday festivities and merriment," says E. Rose Kasinecz of Mo Roses Productions. "The type of burlesque that we produce is old-school and slapstick, so it's always very jovial. The holiday season lends itself very well to political incorrectness, and it's all very much in good fun."
Does your art imitate your life? "My core family [mom and sister] are very, very into holidays," Kasinecz says. "Basically, we all love any good reason to be festive and enjoy ourselves. I think—or I like to think—our merriment is contagious, and that's why I love to produce burlesque. So a holiday Christmas show set to burlesque rhythms is right up my alley."
Gorilla Tango Theatre, 1919 N. Milwaukee Ave., 773-598-4549; gorillatango.com. $16, Friday-Saturday at 11:30 p.m. through Dec. 20.
The David Bowie Hepzikat Funky Velvet Flarney Solstice Spectacular … Live From Space! (The David Bowie Christmas Special 1977 Network Edit)
Based on a fictional Christmas special that never aired, this parody—besides having the longest title we've seen this year—features "cameos" from Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger and the Ghost of Freddy Mercury, among others.
And so this is Christmas? "We're about as nontraditional as you can get," says Steve Attanasie, the show's writer-director. "We wanted to ask, What did Christmas look like to David Bowie [in the '70s]? I think he would have picked [something like this] because it's weird and spacey. It's trying to be as anti-Christmas as possible by not really celebrating anything in particular. Anyone who's a fan of Christmas variety shows would enjoy it. But then also, and more importantly, anybody that really hated all those things would really get a kick out of this show, too."
Does your art imitate your life?
"In my family, we were always creatures of habit. The family would come over in morning for presents, we would go to someone else's house for dinner, and so on. The first Christmas that I had here in Chicago after I graduated from college, it was weird because I wasn't doing the same thing for once."
National Pastime Theater, 4139 N. Broadway, 312-458-9083; nmtchicago.org. $15, Friday-Saturday at 10:30 p.m. through Dec. 27.
Holy $#!% It's Christmas!
Performed as a revue with sketches, song and dance, this sitcom-style comedy show is hosted by a Christmas Zombie. Oh, and there's a gay candy cane.
And so this is Christmas? "There are a lot of holiday shows out there that are fun, family shows," says producer Matt Griffo, "but there's also a market for adults 18 and above that want to see shows that are more ... adult. Obviously, in a traditional Christmas show, you're not going to have a gay candy cane or a homeless guy singing."
Does your art imitate your life? "[Growing up] in upstate New York, we just had a family Christmas where everyone gets together and opens presents in front of the tree," says Griffo. "I thought it was all about presents; I thought it was really dumb. And I felt like the other part that everyone really talks about—family—I thought it was fake. When I came here [to Chicago], my family wasn't around and I was very lonely without them, and finally realized that it wasn't just about presents. So I wrote a Christmas show."
Donny's Skybox Theatre, 1608 N. Wells St. (312-642-8189); secondcity.com. $10, Fridays at 9 p.m. through Dec. 26.
A Reasonable Facsimile Theater Co.'s Almost- Has-A-Witty-Title (We Really Mean It This Time) Chicago Christmas Spectacular!
ARFTCo.'s second-annual holiday show comprises 14 vignettes inspired by the crew's personal Christmas photos, which were posted on its Web site. Most intriguing? The play in which Baby Jesus goes on strike.
And so this is Christmas? "Our artistic director is just obsessed with Christmas," says Reasonable Facsimile company member Steve Hickson. "A couple years ago, he said he wanted to do something all about Christmas, with new works that would give new writers a chance to get their voices out. All the [works] are pretty untraditional. Two different ones end with Santa shooting a reindeer."
Does your art imitate your life? "Some of them are [probably based on actual holiday events]," Hickson says, admitting that ARFTCo wasn't able to meet with each and every writer to get their back story. "He Sees You When You're Sleeping," for example, was written by a woman from Vancouver, Wash., whose character is totally freaked out by the idea that Santa can see you when you're sleeping, and knows when you're awake. Which, when you think about it, is pretty creepy.
The Cornservatory, 4210 N. Lincoln Ave., 312-409-6435; arftco.com. $15, Fri.-Sat. at 8 p.m. through Dec. 27.
A Very Neo-Futurist Christmas Carol
Based on Charles Dickens' classic, the Neo-Futurist Christmas Carol uses the original story's framework to tell ten humorous anecdotes from its cast members' past holiday experiences.
And so this is Christmas? "The show sort of takes things that you would expect from 'A Christmas Carol' and turns them upside down," says Kristie K. Vuocolo, the show's creator and director. For example, where the book portrays the Cratchit family celebrating their Christmas day dinner, the Neo-Futurists present a humorous monologue by a character with an eating disorder, lamenting holiday feasts since they requires her to run to the bathroom.
Does your art imitate your life? "I think in this case, we're using the art to reflect on our life," says Vuocolo. "The show is made up of series of short stories that are true of us as individuals." Her scene mirrors Dickens' flashback to when Ebenezer Scrooge would play with his imaginary friends (like Robinson Crusoe) as a child. Only Vuocolo's imaginary friends are Donny and Marie Osmond. Go figure.
The Neo-Futurarium, 5153 N. Ashland Ave., 773-275-5255; neofuturists.org. $15, Thursday-Saturday at 8 p.m. through Dec. 15 and nightly thereafter, through Dec. 23.
