Downtown dives

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There are plenty of places in River North and the Loop to sip sleek cocktails or eat tiny food in restaurants with names you can’t pronounce. But when it’s time for something simple—like a no-frills can of Old Style—a dive bar is in order. As the area’s sterilization continues—oh, look, another bar with a million flat-screen TVs and dark wood finishes—here are five downtown places that are keeping it real, reasonable and sometimes really greasy. They’re right in front of you and just off the beaten path.

Rossi’s
The scene: Jammed into a pie-shaped space under dark timber eves and the flags of Irish counties (yes, the bar’s name is Italian), Rossi’s cozy semicircle bar shares space with four hulking beer coolers and features at its center a proudly oversized Old Style tap. There’s also an array of reasonably priced craft brews, but in the wink of Rossi’s Christmas tree lights, it seems better to keep things uncomplicated. Chase your pint with a shot of Jagermeister from a plastic cup, and join your neighbors at the bar in yelling at the commercials on TV.
Don’t miss: Those beer coolers are full of package goods. Yes, Rossi’s is as great for a carryout sixer as it is for actually being carried out yourself.

Cal’s Liquors (pictured)
The scene: Cal’s doesn’t exactly smell like cigarette smoke anymore, but it still looks like it should. In the shadows of the Board of Trade and the Brown Line’s elevated tracks, this package liquor store/rock bar is frequented by surly bike-messenger types, rocker kids from Columbia College and power-drinking off-duty traders. Behind the bar, piles of dusty, busted CDs tower next to a haphazard jumble of liquor bottles, and the stage, which slumps in one corner, features at least half of a drum kit at any given time. Oh, yeah, and there’s an aquarium too.
Don’t miss: After you’ve downed three or four $2 PBRs, peruse the wall decor. It’s covered from floor to ceiling with the moldering set lists of Cal’s past shows.

Shamrock Club
The scene: There’s a round table at the front of this River North bar that’s packed with rowdy shift workers, while professionals from the nearby Merchandise Mart crowd the bar next to guys with thick Chicago accents. The F bomb flies happily from all sides, and cryptic messages meant for the regulars crawl across an LED message board. While bottles of Miller Lite are prevalent, you can also get a perfectly poured pint of Guinness.
Don’t miss: The Shamrock serves a tasty steak sandwich, one your bartender effortlessly has made while serving drinks to 20 people. But you also may be tempted by the packages of salted pumpkin seeds displayed alongside the usual bags of Vintner’s chips.

Snicker’s
The scene: Crouched on a corner in the middle of the Grand Avenue restaurant scene, Snicker’s serves mostly domestics and straightforward, strong cocktails to a cross-section of the sports-minded and boozed-up, the curious business travelers and the area hotel workers and limo drivers. It’s also a spot to test your tolerance for mirrors emblazoned with the logos of local teams. And hey, is that bartender a former Bond girl?
Don’t miss: Snicker’s has a full menu to match its basic-is-best drinking aesthetic. Might as well order a sandwich—the grill stretches out right behind the bar—because you were going to walk out of here smelling like grease anyway.

CND Gyros & Lounge
The scene: Wander into CND from the street—perhaps to escape the kitsch of the nearby Reagle Beagle—and you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s simply a classic Chicago carryout joint. Gyros, Italian beefs and bowls of chili are all available in a flash of the spatula, but past the front room is a classic grandpa’s basement scenario, complete with a full bar, imitation stained glass on the ceiling and a slew of slouchy tables. Feel free to buy scratch-off Lottery tickets while you booze.
Don’t miss: CND’s back-room bar also features a fine collection of Chicago Honeybears roster posters dating from the early 1980s, back when the cheerleading squad still existed. The pom-poms and hot pants might be a bit faded, but those colors don’t run!

Johnny Loftus is a Metromix special contributor. metromix@tribune.com.